Mom Tweets Hilarious Bedtime Conversations With Son

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satirequeen
May 20, 2020 2:30 PM EDT

As most parents know, putting kids to bed is hardly a walk in the park. For some reason, they'll find every excuse under the sun to stay awake (until they become teenagers and then sleep is all they do) and make your life a misery while they do it. One mom and professor at Duke Divinity School, Kate Bowler, tweeted all of the delaying tactics of her six-year-old son Zach, who for 30 days straight tried to keep his mom in the room longer than usual after getting tucked in by asking questions. Here are some of his funniest ones.

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  • 01
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Him: before you try to put me to bed I am talking to you about my pet. Me: you don't have a pet, hon. Him: I knew you would be reeeeeaaaally scared. you don't even have to see it. Me: ... are you telling me Him: I HID HIM. Me: (to husband) PLEASE COME IN HERE 8:40 PM · Apr 18, 2020 · Twitter Web App >
    via @KatecBowler
  • 02
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Night 3 Boy: Okay mom. Goodnight. Mom, why do you have so much hair? Okay, night. Why is hair made of cylinders? MOM. I want to learn the a-cord-on. A-cordial? ACCORDION. IT GOES LIKE THIS [frantically mimes accordion playing] MOM COME BACK ACCORDIONS ARE MADE OF BEES 5:19 PM - Apr 4, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 111 Retweets 2.1K Likes Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler - Apr 4 Replying to @KatecBowler He might of said "bees" or "beets" or "beads." I couldn't make it out.
    via @KatecBowler
  • 03
    Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Me: love you sweetie. Night. Him: goodnight. To all the crystals. Me: okay Him: who was the first person to ever find a crystal? Me: goodnight love. Him: in a caaaaaaaaaaaave with maaaaaaaany secrets. Me: I don't know how to explain you to other people. 6:39 PM · Apr 16, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 108 Retweets 2.8K Likes >
    via @KatecBowler
  • 04
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler He just yelled "DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ONE EYE?" into the darkness. 6:27 PM Apr 3, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 178 Retweets 4.5K Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 05
    Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: (yelling) MOM, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HELL IS? Him: (yelling) IS MAGIC REAL? ISA MAGIC TRICK A TRICK? Him: (grumbling) Well now I am thinking about if the sun is just lava. >
    via @KatecBowler
  • 06
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Me: goodnight lovie Him: (waggling eyebrows) goodnight mom. It will be hard for you to leave Me: (kisses head) I'll be fine Him: Goodnight "M" "O" "M". "M" "O" "M" spells DAD.right mom? (makes direct eye contact) Me: You know how much I want to correct you Him: I DO! 4:50 PM Apr 25, 2020 - Twitter Web App 22 Retweets 923 Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 07
    Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: (praying) and thank you God for snakes, Amen. Me: Goodnight sweetie. Him: But what is the difference between an ogre and a troll? Him: Are you not answering because you don't believe in Big Foot? Him: (whispering).because he is *reaaaaaaaaaaall* 5:02 PM - Apr 15, 2020 Twitter Web App
    via @KatecBowler
  • 08
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Me: I love you so much. Goodnight sweetie. Him: does Dad have a job? Мe: yes. Him: as a ghost pirate? Me: not exactly Him: right right right. That was a long time ago. When you were a kid. In the Civil Wars. Me: goodnight lovie Him: a long, long, long, long. Me: GOODNIGHT 4:57 PM Apr 7, 2020 Twitter for iPhone
    via @KatecBowler
  • 09
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Me: Love you sweetie. Goodnight. Him: Goodnight mommy. I leave. Storm begins. Huge crack of thunder. Him: (from dark) MOM CAN YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THE STORM Me: (yelling) I CAN TRY Him: WHAT WILL YOU TRY Me: LOVE I GUESS? Him: THAT WON'T WORK.TRY SNUGGLES FOR ME INSTEAD 5:35 PM · Apr 26, 2020 · Twitter Web App >
    via @KatecBowler
  • 10
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Me: goodnight lovie *he puts his hand on my cheek* Him: goodnight mommy Staring lovingly at each other. Me: did you wash your hands? Him: nope Me: were you playing with the garter snake outside? Him: (huge smile. kisses my nose.) I love him AND you 6:45 PM : May 1, 2020 - Twitter Web App
    via @KatecBowler
  • 11
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: Mom, sometimes I am so scared of the Yeti. Not the Loch Ness, that is fine. But the Yeti. Me: You're safe. Love you sweetie. Night. (leaves) Him: Yes, but have you ever been bitten by a tiger? Him: But you've been bitten by a wolf? A bear? Him: SO THAT'S A YES?!!! 4:59 PM · Apr 22, 2020 - Twitter Web App 61 Retweets 1.6K Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 12
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Me: Goodnight sweetie. Him: Mom? Me: no. I love you but no. Him: Are raccoons awake right now? Mom. They can't you. MOM. They don't have sharp enough teeth. kill MOM COME BACK HAVE YOU SEEN THEM IT IS SAFE I AM NOT AFRAID 6:05 PM Apr 3, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 139 Retweets 3K Likes 个门 个,
    via @KatecBowler
  • 13
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Okay I can hear him in the next room. He is talking about Canada being separate from America as "The Civil Wars.".as a historian.I'm not sure what to say about my job performance. 5:04 PM · Apr 7, 2020 Twitter Web App 36 Retweets 1.4K Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 14
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Tonight: Mom.mom.mom? Mom. Ok, mom. Have you ever eaten a pumpkin? COME BACK. Mom. Have you ever eaten pumpkin seeds? MOM WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE!!!!!!! 5:49 PM Apr 1, 2020 - Twitter Web App 96 Retweets 3.1K Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 15
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler Night 2 (sorry!) Me: Goodnight sweetie. Him: Do you know any myths..any legends? Me: The legend of the boy who wouldn't go to bed. Goodnight. Him: Oh, oh, oh, do you know this legend? Mom. Come back. MOM. It's about a giant squid. MOM THE SQUID DESTROYED MANY MANY BOATS! 6:28 PM Apr 4, 2020 - Twitter Web App 44 Retweets 1.5K Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 16
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Me: Night lovie Him: Does God sleep? Does God sleep on another planet? God didn't make me Mom. You made me. With your body. And when I came out we looked at each and it was LOVE MOM. I love wolves. Can we make a wolf? With a collar? With a crystal on the collar? Tomorrow? Wolfs? 4:59 PM · Apr 19, 2020 · Twitter Web App 105 Retweets 2.1K Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 17
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: Mom, what can I trade you? (shows me my own coin collection) Me: No lovie. Not right now. Night. Him: I'm trading you for this. (hands me my own childhood bear) Me: You're giving me my own stuff back Him: A trade! Choose coin or bear Me: THIS IS A HOSTAGE NEGOTIATION 5:34 PM · Apr 29, 2020 - Twitter Web App 24 Retweets 830 Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 18
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Me: you did a great job reading. Night love. Him: why do they call it a li-bary? (library) Me: night sweetie Him: Because people lieeeeeeeeeee. they lie about the li-bary? Him: MOM COME BACK WHY ARE THEY LYING? ARE THEY LYING ABOUT THE BOOKS OR WHAT?!?
    via @KatecBowler
  • 19
    Text - Text - Kate Bowler @KatecBowler Him: Mom, can we talk about boats? Me: one thing and then eyes closed Him: OKAY (deep breath) because pirates are REAL and are alive NOW. But mostly they killed a-chother or were killed by GIANT SQUIDS or monsters that (giant arms) SQUEEZE BOATS AND CRUSH THEM. Sigh. Goodnight. 4:01 PM · Apr 20, 2020 - Twitter Web App 12 Retweets 767 Likes
    via @KatecBowler
  • 20
    Text - Kate Bowler O @KatecBowler **He is too cute. I have given up and am attempting to lie in his bed and hope he will fall asleep if I am completely immobile. There is no hope.** Him: (poking my face) Mom, can we talk about God rising from the dead? Him: (quietly) well, now I have LOTS of questions. 5:16 PM · Apr 23, 2020 Twitter Web App 903 19 Retweets Likes
    via @KatecBowler

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hilarious kids procrastination bedtime conversation funny tweets mom children
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